After being hit with a barrage of questions about Cape York travel etiquette from Chris and Rachael from somewhere near Adelaide, editor Lyndon Keane is offering all visitors some handy dos and don’ts about exploring the northernmost part of the country. Photo: Cape York Weekly.
I was travelling down the Peninsula Developmental Road last week when I was hit with the question no Cape York resident wants fired in their direction.
“What do Cape York people really think of us tourists?”
The query was lobbed at me by a woman whose name turned out to be Rachael, who was a week into a tour of our part of the world with her partner, Chris. We’d ended up standing near one another after the obligatory refuel and leg stretch that comes with distance driving, and got talking about how their trip was going, where their “not far from Adelaide” home actually was, and Cape York in general.
A few minutes into our chat, my new crow-eating chums hit me with the ponderance about how we viewed the annual convoys of southern visitors.
“You guys play a vital role in our economic livelihoods, so it goes without saying we love you up here, but there are definitely a few things you do that have us nearly biting through our tongues,” I suggested diplomatically.
“Like what?” asked Rachael as she and Chris exchanged quizzical glances.
Well, guys, I promised I’d make a list and give you a mention in the paper, so, without further ado, here are some handy dos and don’ts tourists should keep in mind when they point their caravan or motorhome north.
1. Don’t whinge about costs
We’re painfully aware things are bloody expensive up here. You know why? Because, unlike our southern cousins, we’re stuck with paying upwards of $2.50 a litre for fuel and eye-watering prices in our stores 52 weeks of the year, not just the week or two the caravanning cavalcade is forced to dig deep in their hip pocket.
If you’re trying to befriend the locals, walking around the community supermarket complaining loudly about the cost of a tin of baked beans and absence of organic quinoa options to your adoring Instagram followers is unlikely to help. You don’t make friends with salad, and you certainly don’t make them with snarky comments about the only options we have.
2. Do turn on your lights
This one should be a no-brainer for anyone travelling on our roads, especially when the unsealed sections turn into dustbowls and drop driver visibility to almost zero. You’ve never experienced just how rapidly a sphincter can pucker until you’ve overtaken a slower vehicle thinking you’re in the clear, only to have some boofhead with no headlights appear out of the dust heading directly towards you at about 90 kilometres per hour.
3. Do learn how to poo properly
Speaking of sphincters, I can’t believe I’m saying this to adults, but you need to learn how to answer the call of the wild in an appropriate way when you’re on your Cape York adventure.
That’s right, I’m talking about the behaviours demonstrated way too many times each dry season when it comes to number twos.
We all know bears shit in the woods, but what they don’t do is set fire to the toilet paper they’ve just used to put the finishing touches on their outdoor bowel movement.
Never, ever light up your TP in an attempt to hide the evidence of your impromptu poo. The number of bushfires it causes every year is ridiculous, most of which put unnecessary pressure on the resources of landholders, as well as putting them, their stock and motorists at risk.
Just dig a hole and bury everything. If you ask nicely, a frustrated property owner may even give you a lesson or two on building your single-use bush Porta Potti.
4. Don’t buy before you drive
It’s a common question on Cape York groups on social media: do we need to stock up before we embark on our trip, or do we just buy stuff along the way?
The answer to this question is that you should always support local businesses while on your trip of a lifetime. We know, we know, it’s going to cost you a few extra rubles, but the reality is our Cape York business operators rely on you and your wallets during the limited months of the year our region’s not completely impassable by road.
